dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
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