ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
being pregnant is like rehab
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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