I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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