what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i already hear my dad disowning me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize