i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
