im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
