I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
being pregnant is like rehab
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
