she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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