I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
