It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is it because I queefed?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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