i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
