How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
