I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
