Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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