I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
