how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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