At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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