Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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