my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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