brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
