Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
