i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
