my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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