Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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