i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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