And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
