im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
