Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
