it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
