Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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