Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
