thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
