Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
