I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
