You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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