____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This girl is more easily done than said...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
