the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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