She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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