I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
