apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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