turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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