my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Found your dick twin last night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
