The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
