I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
