someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
