apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
