then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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