Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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