I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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