I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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