I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
