found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
