Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
