So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
