I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
