i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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