life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
