I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
